ANALYZE THIS
“To golf, perchance to dream, there’s the rub (of the green).” – Billy “The Shanker” Shakespeare
   I know the golf season is upon us. Not because Bill Murray saw his shadow at the Pebble Beach Pro-Am. The Dream – and its variations – interrupts my restful sleep several nights a week.
   Even though I have read all of Dr. Bob Rotella’s books, I don’t pretend to be a psychologist. And I certainly don’t play one on the golf course. But Sigmund Freud would have a field day analyzing my golf dreams.
    Remember the old dream from college (and for a few years afterwards) that you suddenly realized you had a final exam and that you hadn’t attended class all semester? I recently had three variations of that nightmare, all with a golf theme.
    In one of the dreams, my playing partners are on the first tee ready to go. I know I’m supposed to hit but for some reason I am in the pro shop trying to put new spikes in my shoes. At first I’m only looking for one Black Widow Softspike for the toe of my left shoe. But the assistant pro can’t find one that fits. Meanwhile, out the window I can see the rest of my group hitting their drives. Panic sets in and the pro hands me a spike the size of a chocolate chip cookie. I can’t screw it into my shoe. My buddies are waving at me to get to the tee and hit. That’s all I remember.
    In another dream, I’m preparing for a round of golf but I can’t find my putter. As my tee time approaches, I am frantically searching for my putter. It’s not in my bag. It’s not in the trunk of the car. It’s not in my locker. I start rummaging through putters in the pro shop, desperate to find a flat stick. Meanwhile, my friends head down the fairway without me.
    The third variation might be the strangest. This time, I finish the front nine. I have no idea what I shot. On the way to the 10th tee, I stop in the pro shop to buy tees and a visor. That struck me as strange because I always have more than enough tees in my bag and I traded visors for hats years ago. In this dream, I quickly purchase tees and a visor. I hit a nice drive down the middle. As I walk up the fairway, I realize that I am playing in a nine-some – my regular group and five women. The women are attractive. They are all clothed and none of them is my mother.
    Whew! These dreams are too weird. What do they mean?
    I researched dream interpretation on the Internet. On HowStuffWorks.com, I discovered that the dream about realizing you are supposed to be taking a final exam is very common. A variation might include having a pen that won’t write so you can’t finish the test. According to the Web site, experts say this dream means “you’re being scrutinized about something or feel you’re being tested – maybe you’re facing a challenge you don’t think you’re up to. You don’t feel prepared or able to hold up to the scrutiny. It may also mean there is something you’ve neglected that you know needs your attention.”
    Isn’t that golf in a nutshell? Every round of golf is a test, a challenge of your ability that is filled with self-doubt and scrutiny from other players. I never feel adequately prepared to play. My wife and daughters know what I’ve neglected when I head off to play golf.
    Freud believed that dreams could be interpreted on two levels. First, you dream about events that took place as you remembered them. I can identify with that. Many nights I have fallen asleep recounting the day’s round, especially if I played well. What a pleasant thought to recall rare back-to-back birdies on putts of less than five feet or that crushed drive with a high draw that left a short iron into the green.
    Other nights, I fall asleep recalling golf courses that I have played hole-by-hole. The courses vary from the little nine-hole club where I learned the game to Pebble Beach, Robert Trent Jones or Cacapon State Park in West Virginia. I find that a relaxing way to end the day.
    But Freud’s second interpretation of dreams is more disturbing. He theorized that objects and actions in dreams symbolized sexual and aggressive feelings and ideas that are repressed. “So in dreams it protects the sleeper from the effects of a realization of these wishes,” a Freudian expert wrote. “The dream taps into the desire for wish fulfillment when the controlling ego is relaxed during sleep.”
    That is way too heavy to comprehend. Who doesn’t have fantasies of wish fulfillment when he plays golf? My only wish fulfillment is to play better golf, hit better shots and shoot lower scores. I’m not sure how that symbolizes repressed sexual feelings and I certainly have no desire to find out.
    I wonder what Dr. Freud would say about Ben Hogan’s famous dream. Hogan dreamed he was playing the perfect round of golf, making a hole-in-one on every hole. But the dream always ended in frustration because he woke up before he played No. 18. Legend has it that Jack Nicklaus discovered a new grip during a dream and that it helped improve his game.
    Now I know what I need to work on to lower my handicap — I need to have better dreams. I sense an opportunity here. This could be a major breakthrough in golf instruction. I am dreaming of a book, a video, audio tapes, a Web site, an infomercial on the Golf Channel. Maybe I can work out sponsorships with the Mattress Warehouse and Sominex. “Dream Your Way to Lower Scores” is coming to a store near you.